Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
That accounts for only three of the penises
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
