I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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