I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
