you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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