3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
