I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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