Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
