I cockslap morals
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
