I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
