they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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