Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
