honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize
