Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
