I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
