nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
