I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Randomize