there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
