hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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