What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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