The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
