Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
