just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
