His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
