tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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