I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
