I'm going to jail i love you
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
