I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
