so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
how does that bad decision feel?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
