I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
