I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
