Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
