Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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