i wish starbucks made bloody marys
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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