should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize