I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I look better un-naked...
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
