Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
