You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
