there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Randomize
