Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
