Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
