I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
