who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
