if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
