Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
