You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
