Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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