this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
