i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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