I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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