ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
