You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
