and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
