Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize