i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
