I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
