haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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