i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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