My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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