my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
