Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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