I accidentally burped into my bong.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
