I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
