Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
