In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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