my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
that may or may not have been my penis.
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