Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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