My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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