Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
