Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize