I think im going to throw up on grandma
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
