i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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