Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize