I love black thongs
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
