I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
