one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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