There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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