I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
