they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
