you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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