i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
