just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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